WIND POWER

With "peak oil" casting doubt on a principal source of energy and coal out of political favour, it is clear that if the industrialised world is not to shut down it must turn to some hitherto untapped source of renewable energy. Wind farms have been touted as a hope for the future but, depending as they do on an inconstant, they are not reliable, as was demonstrated in the recent "Arctic chill" in Europe when, if conventional electricity generation had failed and wind farms been the only source of power, everyone on the continent would have frozen to death.

It is obvious that for wind turbines to work a sustained wind supply must be found, and here Argus can help. Right here in Australia, available for instant use, is an unfailing source of wind which, if harnessed and piped to wind-farm sites, would set the blades spinning as never before. This hot stream of air is known as the "Adams effect" and blows out of the ABC's Radio National at least eight times a week. As a particularly potent aerial concentrate, distilled by years of intense self-promotional energy generation and the production of advertising jingles, the Adams effect is matched by no similar resource in the country (although there are grounds for thinking that, were it still available, a now"peaked" alternative source of hot air, the Whitlam effect, could probably provide equally effective motive power for wind farms). Oddly for such a potentially valuable source of energy the Adams effect has been assessed by experts and found "useless for any other purpose" in its natural gaseous state. Though it is emitted in considerable volume in each of its "transmissions" it is at present entirely dissipated in the atmosphere. This is a huge waste of what could be a precious natural resource.

Air from the Adams effect would need to be treated with care as there are fears that it may have certain negative qualities. Some people who have been exposed to prolonged blasts have reported that it contains a strong soporific element and doctors have warned that in large quantities it could lead to Trypanosomiasis or sleeping sickness. As well, substantial traces of egotumescence have been detected in the current itself, though these are believed to remain intrinsic to the source and to be not contagious through casual contact. But with appropriate safeguards this enormous resource if redirected at wind turbines would bring a dual benefit to the community in removing the risk to health caused by exposure to the Adams effect and channelling a potentially unlimited supply of wind to where it is needed.

A further advantage of ABC-sourced energy is that no capital investment is needed to locate additional sources of wind power to supplement the supply from the Adams effect. Several other rich seams of self-generating energy exist within the Corporation and ought to be explored. Some, such as the Throsby effect and the Tony Jones effect, blow constantly at regular hours of the day; others such as the Doogue effect and the Paul Collins effect (normally emitted in tandem) blow frequently but irregularly. Argus believes that, unlike oil, none of these resources is likely to "peak" in the near future. But given that the ABC has an apparently infinite capacity to renew itself from within, there is every reason to expect that when they do they will be succeeded by alternative sources of wind power, equally efficient for keeping the turbines turning, as for example the Sales and Uhlmann effects have substituted the O'Brien effect, once thought to be inexhaustible.

10 February 2012

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