Don't you just love to sit in the garden and watch the beautiful things of nature? I am fortunate enough to live in the near countryside and I just adore relaxing in a deck chair and seeing all the different birds who pop in for a "flying visit"and the fluffy rabbits (Oryctolagus cuniculus) going about their bunny business.
Sad to say, some of the bunnies are a teeny bit naughty and eat my tender seedlings. I've devised a little punishment to teach them they shouldn't do that. It consists of a delicious home-made poison which I spray on some of the tastier-looking plants and leave for the greedy visitors to gobble up. It's slow to take effect and I understand very painful internally, which gives the bob-tailed predators time to repent before passing on.
I am marketing this preparation as "Edna's Cottage Garden Bunny Confiture". I've had it packaged up very professionally in olde-worlde style in lovely jars with gingham over the lid and a pretty hand-lettered label (at least it looks hand-lettered, no one could tell it isn't) and I am making it available to other garden-lovers with uninvited visitors, care of me at Argus, at the ridiculously low price of $79.95 a jar plus p&p. I expect to be able to sell it in bulk as well, to whoever's responsible for keeping down Australia's cuniculous community now that myxo is no longer effective.
Readers might also like to know about my strychnine cherries for birds - dangle them on your fruit trees, they look just like the real thing and they are deadly. My daughter's cockatoo, "Loudmouth", who kindly helped in the experimental phase, would testify to that if he were still among us.
Over the coming weeks I'll be trying out the snail and slug guillotine I've invented. It's very simple, just two razor blades powered by torch batteries. You can activate it from your mobile phone. I'm sure it will be effective and great fun to use.
24 April 2012