OUR TOP TEN STUNNERS
Here they are, the Argus New Year list of Australia's Top Ten Bores. These are the public figures the very mention of whose names induces instant catatonia. Hear them hold forth and every syllable has the effect of a stun gun. A pity boring is not an Olympic sport. Australia would do very well indeed.
Advertising agent and radio windbag. Heads the list alphabetically but the nation's No. 1 Bore on any reckoning, the doyen of the species. Latterly less ubiquitous than when he was single-handedly setting up the local film industry or whatever he is supposed to have done.
Advertising agent and all-purpose know-all with annoying accent.
Archetypical New Zealander now resident here. Believes himself a comedian. Known for his one-voice, one-silly-facial-expression-fits-all "impersonations" of politicians.
REV. TIM COSTELLO
Probably Australia's highest paid cleric. Tedious and utterly predictable pontificator on "social justice" from his executive suite at the charity World Vision.
Ponderous and pompous ex-prime minister. Has never got over being an Eminent Person and sees himself as an international statesman. Much given to sententious utterances about how wrong the Liberal Party is compared to the days of his leadership. The only remotely interesting thing about his grey sludge-like persona is that he once lost his trousers in unexplained circumstances in an American hotel.
Another soi-disant comedian. Tragically unfunny. Notorious as a climber-aboard every fashionable progressive bandwagon. His most celebrated role was as Cap'n Snooze in a commercial for beds.
QC living in London. Known for his sui generis DIY "English" accent and his very selective advocacy of "human rights", especially dodgy cases (e.g. Julian Assange, who is not on this list because, whatever else he is, he is not a bore).
Electrical-goods salesman who has recycled himself as an (albeit unqualified) authority on social and environmental issues.
Radio interviewer. The apotheosis of the suburban housewives' book club member with a taste for Culture.
Now a spent force but for years a consummate and veteran bore and the leader of a whole tribe of myrmidon bores, mainly in education, media, "the arts" and the republican movement, still moaning on about his thoroughly merited dismissal nearly forty years ago and endeavouring to maintain their increasingly geriatric rage.
Do you agree with our selection? Like to nominate someone yourself? Christine Milne, Don Watson, Geraldine Doogue, the Dodson brothers? Please go ahead. There's a wealth of yawn-provoking talent out there, more than enough to turn the Top Ten into the Top Twenty.
22 January 2013
Posted by ACJ Akehurst